I'm · Making · Lemonade

i really should be editing a paper now.

but i'm not.

and i guess i'll just have to get over it.

maybe i should read that boring science book.

i just want to listen to music and chill. wtheck.

BLG, Permanent ME, the new Relient K, Sherwood, MAE...list goes on and on and on.

if i could figure out how to watch movies, tv, going to shows, listening to music would equal a paying job...i would be the most excited.

blah.

Haruki Murakami is a good writer...must recommend.

asdfjlkl. (copying sammy)

life is good right now. hap, hap, happy. yay.

And do you know why?

BOYS LIKE GIRLS. God let me meet them.
I'm excited that I got to meet them...
AND I'm excited that God orchestrated the night to make it happen the way it did.

Life is good.

So...again, it's been forever.

I've been thinking about cheating on you, LJ. Google has a nice blogging thing.

School is coming back. bah. still ten pages to go. i'm the most retarded person when i comes to doing work!

schlackle.

I want to quit. (that's the short answer)

But it goes against all the values that i've been taught, namely: finish what you start. And I've started this. I don't know what to do. I talked to Marla about it, and it helped. She was thinking the same thing about the heart of the group and the vision of where we are going. I feel the exact same way.

RRR. I don't know what to do.

i haven't been on here in a while.

i'm thinking about quitting SAO. Now it has just taken a turn for the worst. The National Board of Sigma Alpha Omega...is suddenly all over our little club. I assumed that Jami had gotten in touch with them. I'm freaking out about the implications of this. I'm freaking out about thinking about quitting SAO. Life is against me today. I hope tomorrow will be better.

it's summer again. it feels like it was just summer. but anyway. i'm home. i'm moved out. gone from the dorms. feels funny. i got really used to the dorms being home...especially this semester where i only went home a few times. lemme see...the week before spring break, spring break, saw people briefly kel's wedding weekend, and easter...then summer. it really wasn't that much. it's feels odd being here. i've got to start looking for a job. one that will give me a decent number of hours. we'll see.

maybe seeing steve tomorrow at church. i don't know how that's going to go.

shopped today. got decked for summer. tanks shorts...old navy and target. woohoo. then shopped all around the world for whit's grad party. what a hassle. she wants classy. no grad parties are classy. hopefully it's not too hot.

i said today that i wished justin lived nearer to mom. i think we would be dating. i like telling him what's going on. he doesn't try to tell me what to do. i feel like I can trust him. i'm not sure that we're ready for the phone just yet, but maybe by the end of summer we will be. it doesn't hurt that he likes me. :)

the ginormous amount of my crap is starting to bother me. tomorrow i think i will begin to clean out. well anyway. time to wind down. have to get up for church in the morning. no dark circles allowed.

WHAT? HUME? HOME? WHAT?


well. Hume. have you ever met a girl that was as indecisive as me? i really haven't yet. well anyway, really reconsidering moving to hume for summer. i'm still trying to figure that out. i want to paint and be with my family. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to be lazy! I want to go to movies and catch up on the reruns of TV. I want to hang out with my cousins. I want to have a 21st birthday dinner...with drinks. I want to clean out my room and garage of all the crap i don't need--give it to the salvation army. I want to go to the gym with my mom.

You see, the problem with that list is the "I." I want what God wants for me as well. And if He wants me to go to Hume...well...I've got to pack my bags and go. I want his will to take precedence over mine. So i'm really trying to figure out what i'm supposed to be doing according to his will. i thought i was supposed to go, but then mom drops the offer. What am I supposed to do? it's so hard, because the truth is--I don't want to spend my summer cleaning and sleeping...because I know that is what i'll do at Hume. I may paint a bit...but I doubt it.

Do you see this situation? ugh. not good. Give me some feedback. Pray for me please as well.

love you all...Sarah

that's stupid. if robbie thinks y'all will end up together he shouldn't be dating other people. the whole point of dating is to find the someone that you're going to end up with. i wouldn't see him anymore because he messing around with you.

i had to take my own advice and say to myself, "Sarah, don't you think that God has something better for you than a guy who doesn't feel the same way?" And of course, I had to agree with that because He only wants good things for me that are going to help me grow in Him. Steve has helped me do that for a while...helped me through some rough patches, but that's over now i think. I learned a lot about life, God, and myself--but that doesn't mean i've got to hang on anymore. The second thing i had to tell myself..."HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU." and it's completely true. if he were into me, he would let me know and it would be clear and there would be no other girls falling in love with him. he would be there. have you read that book (he's just not that into you)? the best ever. and i just had to be like...fine. he's going to be a stupid boy and i'm not going to wait around. i'm not making it up either...i really said those things. i've been struggling with this for about a year...so it took that long to sink in.

i think you should really think about that. what kind of guy meets the one "he's going to end up with" then breaks up with her to date other people. then still tells her that eventually they'll get together. laura, you deserve so much more than that. God has someone that is going to be everything you need and wants to just be with you, not date other women. i know it sucks to wait...because i've been single since forever...but i've just got to trust that God has got it covered. which is the hardest ever.



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Laura
Date: May 5, 2006 4:48 PM

Not really, we're just at a stand still until he decides what he wants in life, he tells me that he believes he's going to end up with me, but at the same time he just wants to date other people. I've been hurting for so long, and there are so many other strings that have been attatched to him, which makes it hurt even more...but ya. I've been trying to cut off the feelings cause i'm not that strong. It breaks me down too much and i can't handle it day after day month after month. were still friends and i'm still always here for him, i'm just trying to distance myself

and ya, i totally know how you feel with steve, he's always been really wishy washy, i could have told you that. im sorry tha you're going through that though, but its good that your letting go. think about yourself, cause in the end, you are all you have.



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sarah Dara
Date: May 5, 2006 4:42 PM

well...as was pointed out at kel's bachelorette he sort of has "fucked around" too much with me. i don't think he even knows what he wants and needs or is even looking for. so i've decided that it's better if we didn't talk too much and he's not my best friend anymore, and yeah...i'm trying to politely cut him out of my life. we're still friends and i'm glad that i know him, but i need the space. he can't send a decent signal, so the result is at least three girls falling in love with him at any point in time. i guess i'm just one of them. the point is that he doesn't care about me as much as i care about him, so it's better if we go our separate ways. i'm not going to tell him any of this because he really doesn't care enough to ask--or maybe he is afraid of the answer. i don't know. either way i'm done. and i feel better about myself.

i'm glad that you are graduating. where will you be working?

i'm working hume this summer. very excited. night crew--cleaning. woohoo.

how are those songs dedicated to robbie? i thought you guys got stuff all worked out, what's changed?

Sarah



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Laura
Date: May 5, 2006 4:23 PM

how are those more you?? i just dedicated those songs to robbie lol. how are things with you and steve? werent you guys talking about a possible maybe there for a while?? let me know what up? Im doing good. graduate in july now :( but ya.



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Sarah Dara
Date: May 5, 2006 4:15 PM

hey just checked it out. i like volcanoes too. the best thing about them though is lava tubes. it's where the lava goes underground and leaves this almost perfectly circular tunnel. i learned about it in geog. 9 then saw it in hawaii. the best ever.

i saw the my wish lyrics...such a good song. i find that "pieces" and "i feel bad" are more me right now.

well...anyway...how are you?



----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Laura
Date: May 5, 2006 3:32 PM

ok everyone, there were major changes done to my page. ya i'm kinda in love with valcanos!!!! but when you really think about it, how cool are they!!!! they're pretty...i think. and the song....oh the song. it's all just good times. check it out, let me know what you think

:-D